if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
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