i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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