where am i from again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
