sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
