when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
