Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please come you make the beer taste better
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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