I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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