I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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