Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
