I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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