Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
