YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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