Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
