i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
