there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
