you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
