i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
