I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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