Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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