So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
