This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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