He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
