The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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