it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
