Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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