Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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