so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize