She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
