Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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