That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
