so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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