Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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