I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
