so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
