Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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