booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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