my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
