Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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