which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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