and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
