she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
