so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
