My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
