I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
