It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i came on her dog
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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