South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
