She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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