i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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