tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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