Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
