PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
