I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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