I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
