If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
