you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
