She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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