Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
