went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
