It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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