arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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