I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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