i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
