I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
