Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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