forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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