so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
