I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
