i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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