Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
