you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
