First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
