he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
