Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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