Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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