I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
