Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
