So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
