It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
