Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
