can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
