One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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