you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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