Sry I called you an 8
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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