My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have surprise drugs for everyone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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