I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
